Reading conflicting emotional signals is at the heart of EQ

The bottom line is Mehrabian's rule applies only to feelings, not factual content. And it only works when different signals are in conflict. The good news is, this encompasses a whole lot of situations that are really, really important in life.  

 

Wondering if your girlfriend is actually mad at you even though she says she's fine? Reach for the 7-38-55 rule. Not sure if you really connected with that interesting person at the networking event? Ditto. Unclear if your employees are on board with that new initiative? Same advice. 

While the 7-38-55 rule may be wildly overapplied, it's still incredibly useful for focusing attention on what's most likely to provide us accurate and valuable intel in situations where it's hard to read others' intent or emotions. When in doubt, lean more heavily on tone of voice and body language than words. 

It's also useful to keep in mind when you're trying to get your own feelings across. Words do matter (a lot), but they're far from the only thing you need to consider. If what you say is in conflict with your tone or your body language, people will believe their eyes over their ears. That's a warning to any leader looking to rouse the troops while fidgeting with their hands in their pockets -- or those who think they can handle emotionally delicate matters over email or Zoom

Reading others' emotions and accurately communicating your own is a critical component of emotional intelligence. The 7-38-55 rule is a catchy way to remind yourself that, if you want to improve these skills, how someone says something is at least as important as what they say.